So…Tis time for an update.

November 10, 2007 at 5:44 am (angst, Boys, life, love, Mental illness, Relationships)

HEY!

So I need to update more often. Even though, I’m not too sure anyone reads these but whatever.

Everything with my boyfriend is all well and good. I mean…as well and good as it can be. He told me he loved me this week. I’m not exactly sure what to do. I mean…he’s my first boyfriend, we’ve only been dating for two months…I can’t say it yet. I hope he uderstands that. I mean…I’m damn sure he does, but at the same time I’d hate to dissapoint him in some way. I just….can’t. But he really is an awesome guy, he really cares about me and I like that. He bought me flowers just to make me smile…and it did.

In other less happy-ish news…my grandfather’s in the mental hospital. He got the flu awhile ago and I guess it started a landslide that ended in dementia. He can’t function anymore. He won’t drink, eat or even move on his own. They had him take a cognitive test of some point and he had to score a 7 to be allowed to be on his own…he scored a 4. He’s not even legally allowed to drive any more because he just can’t…function. He’s not even that old, and granted he’s unhealthy but still…the amount of time it took him to get this bad was astoundingly fast. I can’t even really stand talking to him anymore, he’s completely unaware of everything.

You know what the worst part of it is? I’m so SO afraid that the same things going to happen to my mom and then eventually me. I mean…it happened to my great grandmother, and its genetic right? I couldn’t stand to see my mom like that, it would kill me. And me personally? I’d rather be dead then be stuck in a nursing home from my 60’s on out. I hate seeing my grandfather like this. I hate it because I can’t do anything and I hate it because it seems like he doesn’t care…I just…hate it…I’m so afraid for him sometimes…

*sigh*

yeah…

Someone tell me something good? Thank you…

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